


Brave new world

by vera9vera



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Female Protagonist, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Implied/Referenced Abuse, POV Second Person, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 08:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20904998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vera9vera/pseuds/vera9vera
Summary: You've never thought the end of the world would be the beginning of your salvation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> !! Implied abuse/ abusive relationship!!  


-Can you pass me the pliers? Blue handle?

Your eyes twitched a little in the direction of the voice, then moved in the opposite direction until you recognized the tool. You absentmindedly handed it over with semi limp hands into stern, much bigger hands dirty with grease. Sturges thanked you in his melodious southern accent that you were so fond of already, not even knowing the man for a week. It brought you back from your thoughts.

_“I remember how I used to practice it to myself. Not much use for it now.”_

Fresh blow of October air lightly picked up and moved leaves before your feet. As well as small pieces of rubble. Hairs on your arms stood up underneath your vault suit. It was not made to sustain cold at all. This thought made you grin. _”Yeah, I mean, they put you in a freezer as soon as you put it on. Wouldn’t be right to give it an extra layer for you to feel warm, would it?”_ The grin came off your face and turned into a slight frown. You turned your head to look in the distance, vaguely seeing the museum where you found this man and the group he belonged to. You felt a little bit warmer on the inside thinking about them. Can you call yourself a part of Minutemen now? You never liked titles. They always seemed redundant, especially now.

You’ll have a lot to think about these days.

-Hey, I need you to try it on.

A smile settled on your face yet again. You turned your back to the landscape slowly becoming darker and darker and headed back to the dimly lit area you and Sturges occupied the whole day. Sturges usually had his high spirits. Did you skip on your way to the workshop? His optimism felt so peculiar to you. You would never in a thousand years think people could be this happy after a nuclear annihilation. It made you feel ashamed. But right now, yes, you were skipping to the workshop he set up.

The light provided by our small generator we brought from the museum was limited, but effective enough. The man was tilted over a workbench. You could hardly see what laid before him, but you knew exactly what it was.


	2. Chapter 2

Earlier this day you took Codsworth on a supply run to Concord. Preston didn’t approve of risking you going there at all. Since you were more of a burden in his eyes, at least as you thought. Your new found taste for life dulled the fear of getting killed, gored or eaten. Yet maybe it was your, oh, so familiar subconscious desire to die, you can’t be sure. Planning your life in Sanctuary Hills would be a practical and smart decision. But you felt like you’d end your life first than stay in the place that reminded you of shackles. Not metaphorical, quite literal ones.

So ironic to think the only thing you liked in this neighborhood was actually your Mr. Handy. No bias, no expectations. When he was asking about your bruises, he really seemed genuine, as much as a robot can be. You often wondered if robots have feelings. So you never lashed out on your only friend, your trusty Tinman. Even when he struggled to understand your injuries were not accidental.

He was the only one who agreed to help you carry the stuff you needed back from the previous raider compound.

“Not worth it,” said Preston, when you laid him your idea of salvaging raiders’ gear to make your own armor on your last supply run. When both of you were passing by the dead bodies he added: “Animals will take care of the most of them. I don’t think you or anyone for that matter should mess with their corpses. Decomposition is no joke, you don’t know what they have inside and what you might catch from them. And you definitely don’t want to fight off angry animals for this junk.” He was right, and you didn’t feel like you were in a position to argue. You still have a lot to learn. You figured he realized you were planning on leaving. Sorrow in his eyes and pressed lips made you think he didn’t believe you’d survive on your own for long. He wouldn’t be wrong to think that. Yet this intriguing ‘What if?..’ gave you motivation to at least try.

Your luck. The road to the Museum was as clear as it was on the day you woke from your 200 year long preservation. As it was on any day before that, but much less busy. Before you’d think you would have had an anxiety attack by now just from breathing. Are you getting radiation particles every time you breathe in the air? But you have been unusually calm all this time. Maybe you really did not care about living anymore. Why wouldn’t you? The situation you found yourself in was so completely bizarre that you could either go crazy or play along. It seemed to you like a really good production, a story or a dream. Maybe you’re losing yourself in your lines for another theater play you’ve been rehearsing. Did this guy from the neighborhood finally sold you those Med-Xs and you’re in a drug-infused coma? How peculiar, you might never know.

Was it a bird chirping? A wide smile came across your face. Steady calming flow of burning gas added to the picture. Isn’t it every child’s dream? To find yourself alone in a toy store. All for your pleasure and no one to stop you. That’s how you started to see life after you were given a second chance.

The remains on the street had hardly anything salvageable on them. As well as any meat or bones. One of them though was hardly touched and considerably dried under the sun except for some of the internal organs laying smashed and ripped on the pavement. Flies buzzing like a busy highway on a Friday evening around him. It was an expressive picture indeed. For the first time you saw something like that in reality. However, it didn’t stir you away from your task. You slowed down and with carefulness concentrated your ears, tried to hear any strange shuffles or steps to make sure the animals, or whatever they were, aren’t nearby. Silence. Passing the body of the deathclaw, which even in its demise no animal dared to touch, you slipped through the Museum’s doors.

Last time you proposed to Preston to move the bodies on the inside so they wouldn’t contaminate the perimeter as much. “It won’t be necessary” was his answer. Well, as soon as you closed the door behind you a toxic stench hit your nostrils and made you nauseous. Luckily, you had hardly anything in your stomach to vomit. _“The sooner we leave the better.”_ The first body you saw really tried your gag reflex. A bloated discolored foul rag doll of a person with a disfigured grotesque face and a round stomach filled with gas. Maggots leaking from every wound opening eating away his rotted flesh. You wished Codsworth would have a joke for you right about now. Unfortunately, his speaking feature malfunctioned after all those years. Sturges explained he’d need a particle from another Mr. Handy to fix him. You still talked to him. Still were yet to receive an answer. You wanted to think he appreciated the effort.

After your self-embarked mission was over you could finally breathe freely again. You took a piece of fabric you covered your face with off and threw it aside. Thank God it didn’t take you longer than it did.


	3. Chapter 3

Sturges ensured you’d have your custom armor in a couple of days. You helped during the rest of the day as much as you could. First, you had to separate valuable pieces of armor from excess. Then you went to help with the food. After that you talked to Preston. Told him about the situation in the town. Proposed to do something with the Vault.

  
-It can be a valuable asset for the future. Plus, I’m pretty sure you could inhabit it again. It’s kind of cozy. It still has running electricity, clean running water, bunk beds, working terminals. Though, we’d have to move the bodies as soon as possible.

  
-We’ll have to check if it’s safe first. I’m not risking moving all of you down yet.

  
-We can go later, I’ll show you everything, -you paused. -You don’t have to move right away or maybe just use it during winter.

  
Preston was sitting on a weary dining chair with his feet on the reading table. His regular attire hanging on the side of the door, the hat drying on the wardrobe and his gloves hanging off the nightstand. He looked casual without his usual look. His hair is neat and rather short. His frame was revealed to be on the lean side with right amount of practical muscle, attractive broad shoulders, muscular thighs. He was leaning on his left arm, hand to the mouth staring out the window, his right hand fidgeting on his lap. He was frowning and obviously lost in thought.

  
You didn’t feel like you were in a position to ask what was on his mind. He seemed like a person with boundaries. You did like him though. You doubted he liked you back, but you understood he did care about you. Not because of feelings of any kind or respect, but because he was a righteous person on his own and needed to care about people regardless.

  
You were standing, shifting from one foot to the other, eyes looking here and there. You both didn’t say a word. You still contemplated to ask your question.

  
_“Ok, it’s getting awkward.”_

  
You turned on your heel suggesting your exit, pointed behind you with a thumb and started to back away.

  
-Oook, I think I’ll…

  
-So you went to Concord?

  
-Yeah, - you answered sheepishly not knowing where it was going.

  
-I know you plan on leaving. You really can’t wait to die this much?

  
The look on his face was stern and agitated. Your heart sank, you were definitely taken by surprise. You wanted to answer, then his eyes switched to you. Sorrow. Premature mourning. He twitched his jaw and looked away. You swallowed your words. You wanted to joke, but wouldn’t dare. You couldn’t tell his intentions. The suffering on his face showed you how much it was tearing him apart – losing people. Would it be right to hug him right now?

  
Seeing him showing you so much emotion scared you, but at the same time encouraged you to show yours. You slowly approached and stood on one knee right beside him. As you reached his hand and cupped it with both of yours, holding it so tenderly, a spark caught your eye. Tears as precious jewels glistened in his eyes. He squinted hard, pushing his thick eyebrows together, his breath was shaky. Tears rolled down his cheeks. You softly reached out and hugged him pressing your cheek on his shoulder and starting to slowly sway to a mute lullaby melody in your head. If your shoulder was open, you’d feel droplets of salt watering it. Preston didn’t dare to touch you. Your reaction broke his heart, how gentle you were.

  
-I’ll stay.


	4. Chapter 4

You didn’t want to make a whole different set of clothes. Instead you wanted to reinforce your current outfit. The idea for your armor was to cover most surface with metal plates and provide an additional protective layer of leather onto your vault suit. Sturges was shaping the metal to fit your figure, and you decided to work on leather on your own. Sturges ensured you there was enough plates to go around and then some. Your face started to express concern, so he added: “We could trade for leather or just buy finished pieces and alter them for you, don’t worry.” Your face lit up. He looked at you tenderly, but proudly. He saw your determination. You couldn’t wait to get into action, you were already helping and showing self-sufficiency. The day he met you was fresh in his memory. Fought your way inside the Museum on the sole purpose of helping, aiding people in need. Unlike Preston, Sturges appreciated your amateur survival skills.

Before the day you rescued them, you’ve never even held a gun in your hand. Yet you were eager to use it when you overheard a braggy raider listing the things he would do to the corpse of Marcy after the group wouldn’t be able to hold out anymore. You made Codsworth distract those fiends while you snuck up inside using another path.

When inside, your head was burning. _“What the fuck am I doing here?” _Obviously, there were raiders on the inside as well. _“I have to figure out how many of those motherfuckers are here.” _There was an ocean of noises from the museum exhibitions, raiders yelling and shooting and a distinct sound you couldn’t identify, it was unique, it rang in your ears as it was continuously firing. A weapon? This chaotic ensemble gave you confidence to creep around and not be afraid you would be heard. The outlook of the situation revealed there was not that many raiders and since they were so far spread out you decided to use it to your advantage and get rid of them one by one. It worked like a charm.

A corner of Sturges’ mouth lifted slightly to the recollection of you being the sponsor to their unlikely rescue. Before him you stood holding up deformed hunks of scrap melted together with segments of trailer facings to your torso like a corselet of a heavenly knight. He ticked your measures with red paint he found in the workbench drawer. You thanked him yet again for helping you. He nodded: “No problem!” in return.

-I think I’ll head out. By the way, do you think you would go to the vault with me tomorrow too? Me and Preston thought to check out if it’s inhabitable, check for malfunctions and such.

-Uhh… s-sure, I guess, – his face displaying uneasiness.

-We could really use your help. I mean, I came out of there, I don’t think there’s anything dangerous.

-Vault Tech isn’t exactly the most reliable pre-war organization per say. Even your case, it’s pretty crazy. I’ve heard of some really spooky stories in the wastes. Most people wouldn’t even dare to spend the night in a vault.

-Well, I’m the only resident that lived. We’d have to move some bodies from freezers, some skeletons in the main areas, throw away the roaches I killed. The rest seemed safe enough.

-Well, ok. If you say so.


	5. Chapter 5

Next day was windy and much colder. Looked like everyone was already up. You washed your face in a cracked bowl, which you filled with stream water last night before sleep. As you routinely did every evening. No more foams and creams and scrubs and serums. Just plain fresh water with minor radiation.

Everyone seemed to be busy. Marcy and Jun informed you they were going to gather firewood for the evening as they were about to leave. Hammering echoed through the neighborhood. Sturges has been covering holes in the house Mama Murphy lived in for the past several days. Mama Murphy herself was riding her chem trip in the driveway. You inhaled with your whole chest, chills spreading all over your skin. You threw on a sturdier jacket over your jumpsuit to shield yourself from rushes of wind. You politely asked Codsworth who was hanging around Sturges ready to lend a metal hand to reheat the kettle. He joyfully hovered over to you glad to be of service. You asked if anyone was up for tea. “I wouldn’t mind actually,” – agreed Sturges. Mama Murphy was on a different plane of existence, so she didn’t acknowledge the offer. Tea warmed up your bones giving you a pleasant feeling on the inside. Like you swallowed a star and it was burning in your stomach. Sturges audibly smacked his lips at the hot liquid.

-Did Preston tell you where he was headed? – surprisingly the question was addressed to you.

-Matter of fact I wanted to ask you the same. Weird he didn’t tell anyone, – you frowned at his irresponsibility.

-Ahhh, he will be fine. Maybe he went to shoot us some dinner, – Sturges reassured you.

You shrugged your shoulders, trying to look relaxed, yet still were biting inside of your cheek. He didn’t see Preston’s state yesterday. This man has been piling up his pain for a while with no outlet for relief. You highly doubted he would show how he really felt to _his_ people, the ones _he_ was responsible for. _”They were depending on him, and he wouldn’t let himself show his weakness.”_ You pouted your lips repeating his words in your head. However, it wasn’t for you to intervene.

-Look, I’ll head out to the vault. If he shows up, tell him to come meet me there, - you stood up and straightened the suit on your thighs.

-I still don’t think you should go alone…, - hints of fear flicked in Sturges’ eye.

You stared him down unimpressed.

-I’ll be fine. And you will be too, – you answered sternly hinting that you were expecting his presence later.


	6. Chapter 6

For the first time since you emerged from this bunker you were following that path once again. Hoping in your heart it will be the last. Why did you go there alone? Well, you were definitely not excited about that at all. In fact, you’ve been forcing yourself to do it. You knew you had to go there eventually, but you couldn’t let yourself see _his_ face for the first time in front of others. You couldn’t shake off the anxious feeling dissolving your insides like acid. You were gulping air, but couldn’t breathe. Your blood ran cold, yet you felt like you had a fever.

As you approached the fence several skeletons with sun bleached bones, which were still surprisingly attached, greeted you. It was eerie to recognize those once people. You developed hatred for each and every one of them back then. Now you just felt sorry. You made an effort not to think how they should have lived instead of you. _“Because everyone is more worthy of life than you, right?”_ Especially, when you noticed tiny bones peaking from a small faded blanket. You clenched your teeth.

You were slowly approaching the platform. You closed your eyes to gather yourself and calm down. Melancholy washed over you. You remembered the chilling view of the world’s doom. You turned your head and looked in the distance where the mushroom was burning 200 years ago. It did the trick. It humbled you. _“You will get over it. Most people didn’t even have a chance to live.”_ You headed to the control panel to figure out how to get it to work. You scrunched your face in confusion until you realized you’d have to turn it on and run straight to the platform to descend.

-Headed somewhere? - familiar voice startled you.

-Yeah, – you said after a pause, - I thought I’d get to work early. Wanna keep me company?

-Sure, – Preston answered drily. The answer dissatisfied you.

-Get on the platform then. I need to turn this thing on first, – you ordered him trying not to seem affected. Anxiety crawled up your spine.

Preston shook his head and went to the platform. You turned the panel on and jogged to join him. You jumped down with a muffled thud. Preston made space for you and gave you a hand to help you up, which you accepted.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Сама нихуя не поняла чё я написала, но всё равно.

The hatch closed shut above you. You gulped. You winced at Preston, who was perfectly collected, as always. Your breath quickened. When the elevator stopped, you had a feeling as someone was supposed to be waiting to greet you down there. Empty. Reflexively you felt a need to run. There was no urge. You tried to stay calm and push down your feelings as you did your whole life. You grinded your teeth, eyes running on the floor. Air wasn’t fresh. Hardly visible specks of dust floating in the air. You were afraid you’d start hyperventilate. You needed to share.

-I need to tell you. I don’t feel good down here, - all you could master to squeeze out yourself after you grabbed Preston by his forearm.

-You don’t have to be here, - his eyes were compassionate and caring.

You looked at him pleadingly, hoping he could read your mind and understand why you _did _need to be there. You didn’t let go of him. You started to catch your breath right about when you felt like the floor was slipping from your feet. He gently placed his other hand on your shoulder. It grounded you. Felt like you were a grocery bag being blown away, not able to stay on the ground, and his hand pushing you down was the necessary force keeping you still. Your bloodstream was steadier. You looked at him again and nodded. He nodded back.

-I never asked you. Is there someone you know? – he asked you as you both were making your way further into the vault.

-No, just neighbors, - you lied.

You led him down the corridor, the way that you remembered.

-That’s the main terminal, there’s plenty of entries. I didn’t read everything, maybe there’s some data about their systems or what not. I don’t understand jack in them, - you proposed to Preston hoping you’d be able to split.

-Umm, yeah. I’ll read them later, - he answered, his face seemed puzzled. – I’d rather see with my own eyes first.

It didn’t work. Shit. He was leisurely checking out the overseer’s quarters. He sat on the bed. You were standing in the door frame studying the floor before your feet.

-The bathroom is still working, that I know for sure. I think you could move in here, what do you think? You deserve the big room, - you said with a restrained smile on your face.

-Yeah, right, - he chuckled.

-Thank you, - he added after a pause, sitting more relaxed on the bed. – For yesterday. I’m sorry if it was too much.

-Don’t apologize for your feelings. I appreciate you being genuine with me, - you said looking at him seriously.

He looked up at you softly and slightly nodded his head. He stood up heading out the room. You led him further. Passing the generator room, he made some comment about them being in good shape. Whatever, you didn’t listen. You showed him the mess hall and the dorm. The closer you got to the cryo pods, the colder ran your blood. As you reached the other room and your eyes fell on the pods, pictures of your previous life flashed before your eyes. You swallowed your tears. Preston went into the room looking into each pod. Your feet were nailed down to the floor, you couldn’t bring yourself to move.

-That’s a lot of bodies. They’re not rotting for some reason, but yeah, we’ll have to move them, - Preston considered.

You pushed your jaws together, raised your eyebrow frowning at the same time. You slowly started to approach him looking into frozen faces on your way.

-Mass grave? – you said grimly.

Preston turned his head to you with a completely displeased look.

-Other suggestions? – you looked at him challengingly.

He realized he didn’t have any.

He headed out the room to the very last room left. The one you came out of. You were hoping you wouldn’t have to do it, that you could just skip it. Your head was burning again. You vented for a minute and followed your companion. You prayed he couldn’t figure out the connection between you and a now dead man in the pod across from yours, with whom you shared your last name. You realized it would be best, if he didn’t read the terminals after all.

You stepped into the puddle on the floor. Water leaking from your pod after defrost. Still. Passing your neighbors, you didn’t care to look into their faces. You needed to see _his_ face. You needed to see _he is dead. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”_ Blood was pulsing in your ears muffling Preston’s voice. He was standing in front of your pod, looking around and talking about something. You came closer, your skin pale like bride’s veil.

You turned your head.

And looked at _him. _HIM!

There he was. You were staring at him, not blinking. Your captor, your tormentor. Your _owner._ Dead. Shriveled, crooked, not moving. Blue frosted skin, cheeks wrinkled from being pressed like frozen dough. Purple hemorrhages here and there. Head pushed into shoulders. And a grimace of pain on his face. Eyebrows pushed pleadingly, mouth narrow on the sides and open like a fish. He looked like a baby crying for his mommy. Puny, pathetic, weak. Finally getting what he deserved! You were swallowing tears when you came into the room. But seeing this image, made you happy, made you smile, you wanted to dance and laugh. Ha! This motherfucker got what he deserved! You stopped hoping years ago that this piece of shit would ever answer for what he’s done! But look at him! A smashed worm on the pavement looks more honorable than this miserable shitstain.

Tears were rolling down your cheeks uncontrollably. You were smiling. You were savoring this picture. You wished you could photograph it or make a statue of him to make you happy for the rest of your life. You chuckled and covered your mouth with your palm, drying the wet streaks of salt.

-You ok? – a heavy hand on your shoulder.

You started nodding repeatedly. Your joyful squint turned into mourning for your own self. All those years. All that pain. It’s _over. _OVER! You are free.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't know how to finish the work, that's why it ends so abruptly.


End file.
